Adopting Discomfort: How Confronting Challenges Leads to Personal Growth and Releases Anxiety

After reading Mel Robbins’ latest book, “The Let Them Theory,” I’ve decided to challenge myself daily by doing something that makes me uncomfortable.

In the chapter “How to Create the Best Friendships of Your Life,” Mel discusses the habit of “going first” and introducing yourself to people you recognize but have never met (weak ties). She shares a personal story about introducing herself to a young couple, a barista, and one of her now closest friends at her local coffee shop. This led her to connect with like-minded individuals, creating a small community where she felt a sense of belonging.

In today’s world, we are constantly in a state of comfort. We can set the thermostat to our desired temperature and even adjust it with our phones so it’s cozy when we arrive home on a cold winter’s day. We can program the heat to turn on an hour before we wake up. We shy away from hunger or pushing our physical limits. We reassure each other with phrases like “you can skip working out today” or “it’s just a cheat meal, as long as it’s in moderation.” We avoid speaking to strangers or weak ties, hiding behind our phones and endlessly scrolling. In moments of boredom, we reach for our phones to fill the silence. Dating apps have made it easy to dodge awkward conversations. If we want to stop seeing someone, we simply “ghost” them. Remember that scene in Sex and the City when Carrie was dumped via a post-it note? And that was in the 90s! If only we were so lucky now.

As a society, we are uncomfortable with discomfort. We don’t put ourselves out there, we can’t handle boredom, we avoid difficult conversations, and our bodies and minds haven’t evolved quickly enough to keep up with technological advancements. It’s no wonder we are anxious, depressed, angry, underpaid, unhealthy, overfed, and overweight.

To overcome this, challenge yourself to step out of your comfort zone daily. Take a cold shower, resist using your phone when waiting for a friend, and introduce yourself to someone at your coffee shop. Embrace your emotions and let any anxieties surface. If you can’t manage them in small situations, how will you handle them in bigger ones? Mastery comes with practice.

Following Mel’s advice, I chose to introduce myself to someone at my local gym. It was challenging, and I felt anxious about it. I’ve been going there for years, often recognizing the same faces since I usually visit at the same time each day. While lifting weights, I decided to introduce myself to a couple I frequently see working out together, thinking it’s cute and a great way to share a healthy interest. However, by the time I finished, they had already left. I then spotted another girl I recognized, but when I approached her, she was engaged in a conversation with a group, and I didn’t want to interrupt.

Feeling a bit discouraged, I thought I might not introduce myself to anyone that day. I knew leaving without doing so would make me feel like a failure. I realized I’d feel worse not doing something uncomfortable than just going through with it. There was one more person I recognized, so I took a deep breath and approached him. He was on the floor, looking at his phone, so I awkwardly waved my hand over his phone until he looked up. I removed my earbud, and he did the same as I said, “Hi, I see you here often and wanted to introduce myself. I’m Kristin.” I extended my hand, and he shook it, responding with, “ok?” FACEPALM Could I be any more embarrassed and awkward? Despite wanting to leave and quit the gym, I chose in that moment to push myself further, asking for his name and what he does.

His name is Dave, and he’s part of Team USA for the World Masters Athletics Indoor Championships. He has traveled worldwide, competing in various track and field events, and is heading to Florida for a competition in a couple of weeks. What a cool dude to have just met?

I left the gym feeling euphoric. It wasn’t due to my chest and triceps workout or meeting Dave, who was really cool and whom I’m looking forward to seeing again just to say hi. It wasn’t because I expanded my social circle a bit or because I did something challenging and uncomfortable and survived it. What’s surprising is that I felt incredible because it eased my anxiety. Even though I was nervous about greeting him and had a clumsy introduction that maybe Dave found odd, which could have triggered a new worry. A new core memory of his response replaying in my mind endlessly. “Ok?” No, my anxieties about meeting him vanished afterward. I’m not just referring to my anxieties about talking to Dave, but other worries too. Like what I said to that girl the other day and how I’ll accomplish everything on my checklist today. Dealing with that uncomfortable feeling brought me into the present moment. I want to listen to his responses and remember them. It brought me to a state of calm and peace. I transformed those anxieties into nourishment for my soul.

So, I don’t have to succumb to the temptation of junk food; I can be stronger and healthier than that. Choose the apple over the candy bar and sit with the feeling of wishing I had eaten the candy bar. But that moment will pass, and I’ll feel fantastic for making the tough choice.

I don’t have to reach for my phone when my friend takes a work call; I can just be present. I can strive to enjoy the surrounding sounds, textures, or take the time to meditate and ground myself. I can allow myself to feel awkward while she’s on her phone and I’m not.

I don’t need to bring my heated seat to my son’s evening baseball game; my body will appreciate being out of thermoneutrality. I’ll burn more calories by standing and bouncing to keep warm. And because the momentum of moving will continue, I’ll want to keep my body moving in other ways like taking the shirt on the stairs upstairs right away.

I don’t need to take an ibuprofen to alleviate the headache I have because I didn’t sleep well the night before or because I drank too much. I can do natural things to ease the pain like drink lots of water, go on a walk in the sunshine and/or use it as a reminder to take care of myself before I get the headache. I can be in the discomfort to listen to my bodies cues to lead a healthier lifestyle.

I don’t have to remain in a job where I’m unhappy or underpaid; I can quit or have the difficult conversation to ask for a raise. I can release the anger and resentment I feel toward my boss/company for not treating me well financially when I have that tough conversation.

I can wake up before the sun rises. I can push my body to lift 5 more pounds. I can go for that walk in the rain. I can turn off the TV and open the book. I can fold the laundry right out of the dryer. I can do the small hard things, and I’ll feel amazing afterward. And when you do them, you’ll feel amazing too.